Update...

First, thanks to all who have either commented or emailed about my grandpa. Here is what is happening:
He does have a tumor on his esophagus. It's about an inch and a half long and is malignant, HOWEVER, the doctor's say don't count him out yet. It is something they feel they can remove and treat, but at this point they do not know if it has spread. That's the big question mark. He has an appointment the 30th of this month for an Oncologist to look at everything and decide how he wants to proceed.
I apologize for the gloom and doom of the last post. I had received all of my information from my mother who is goofy as all shit and I should have known that I needed to talk with everyone before I freaked out.
It may be bad, but we truly don't know yet.

Second, THANKS MAX for the award. Only problem is that I don't know how to retrieve it or what to do with it. I REALLY REALLY want it, though and thanks again.

Grandpa

My apologies to Max for not continuing the story that she tagged me for. This hasn't been one of the better weeks I've had in a while, so I haven't really been on here...

My grandfather was diagnosed with throat cancer. It does not look good. We will find out Friday whether or not it is treatable and even if it is, there is some question as to whether grandpa will take the treatments. He has already said he does not want chemo. I have, for the most part, not dealt with this. As a matter of fact, since I found out, I don't think I've dealt with anything. I kind of feel like I'm in limbo just working really hard not to feel....well, anything. I realize this is not going to work for long, but I figure I really can't deal with it until we find out about treatment anyway.
This whole thing has lead me to think a LOT about why it upsets us so much when we lose our loved ones. Obviously, we miss them. Whether he goes soon or lasts another twenty years I will miss him terribly. But, in cases like this, when the person has lived a full life and when it has been especially rich - as his has, we can't really feel so bad about it, right? I have come to the conclusion that it is the shift. Just the general upheaval of the world. If I lose my grandpa, I lose part of my history. A big part of it.
When my mom had me, we still lived with my grandparents and continued to do so until I was almost 5 years old. As a result, my grandparents were very much like parents to me and still are to this day. It was about 3 months before I turned 5 when we finally moved out of their house and we weren't just moving across town. We were moving 200 miles away. To a very young child, we might as well have been moving to foreign country. I remember sobbing and begging my mother not to make me go.
My grandpa witnessed all of those first years of mine. He knows all of the stories about me, remembers what I looked like, my first steps, the funny mishaps. Hundreds of stories I don't even know about my own childhood, he knows. That history will be lost. Everything will shift. When my grandparents are gone, my mother and dad take on their role, I take on my folks and my son takes on mine. Everything shifts. I don't like it.
I was fortunate enough to have known my grandpa's mom and dad (my great-grandparents). I am fortunate that I am a part of this whole family. What a group! Everyone's a jokester, a practical joke player, everyone laughs like a maniac, plays like a kid, respects the land, loves the animals, enjoys the company of their family. It's such a huge part of who I am. I honestly don't know how I will wake up everyday, when the time comes, and live with the fact that grandpa is not right down the road, watching tv or feeding his cattle or playing with his dog.
I guess when the time comes, and hopefully that will be no time soon, I will just deal with it.
But, if you read this, pray to whoever you pray to for us.

Holiday Help...

I found two places to help those of us who need it to get organized for the holidays:
http://www.organizedchristmas.com/ (pretty good little site, good tips, organizational calendar, recipes, etc.).

http://www.flylady.net/ (I use this site for a lot of different things. Go on the site and look down the left side - you will find a search box where you can search this site. Type in organized holidays or Christmas countdown or something to that effect and it will bring up several links for the site that will help you get ready for the holidays. I really like this site. It's organized, you can print out pages to help you, etc.).

NO MORE HOLIDAY LAST-MINUTE PROCRASTINATION CRAP, PEOPLE! LET'S DO THIS THING!

THE HOLIDAYS ARE UPON US, PEOPLE!

Well, I had to call in sick to work today, which I absolutely HATE to do. I won't go into detail, but suffice it to say that I dare not get more than a few feet from my bathroom today and so I am stuck at home. I like home just fine, don't get me wrong, but left to my own devices and not of my own free will, I tend to get a little sideways. I am bored and I don't feel good, but I don't feel so bad that I should just lay down and sleep the day away. The means by which I can amuse myself are, therefore, quite limited.
So, here's what I've been thinking:
I started out thinking that I need to get on my Christmas shopping. Every September I think that I need to start my Christmas shopping and I picture myself being SO organized that it is absolutely sickening. Presents bought and beautifully wrapped under a gorgeous tree, lights everywhere, wonderful Christmas smells wafting through my house, family talking and laughing with one another. What really happens is that I end up shopping a week before Christmas, wrapping presents the night before and barely getting everything done on time as a result of my procrastination. This does not result in the above mentioned talking, laughing family. It results in a bunch of stressed out people wishing they had been more prepared for the holidays. The only thing that is always true of my fantasy is the beautiful tree which goes up the day after Thanksgiving. That's an absolute must.
So, I'm trying to figure out what I want to get all of the lovely people on my list, hoping I don't buy any lead-paint-laden toys and thinking maybe I will use my time today to get a holiday schedule and menu planned. Good intentions and all that, ya know.
What are your favorite holiday traditions? Are you organized? Tips? Tricks? Help a poor procrastinator out...

New Horse, No Name

Well, this is the latest in a long line of horses I've recently aquired. Actually not the very latest, because we brought a white one home yesterday about an hour after this one, but it was more of a sympathy purchase, so I'm not putting his picture up because he's sunburned and undernourished. We bathed him last night and started pouring the feed to him, so I think we'll see a whole new horse in a couple of months (the white one, I mean. Clearly, the black one is not sunburned or undernourished).

ANYWAY, the reason I've had so many horses lately is because my mare got a tendon injury early last year and she's not ever going to be ridable again, so we've decided just to raise mule babies out of her. Everything else I've bought to ride since then has been complete crap. Apparently, noone who is selling a horse finds even the most remote need to tell the truth. I find that completely deplorable considering these are very large animals that can hurt or kill you if they really want. Before this one, I bought a beautiful grey, was told he was everything I was looking for, rode him once and ended up on the ground, then had my husband ride him. Thankfully, he didn't end up on the ground, but it certainly wasn't for lack of the horse trying.

So, the above horse is SUPPOSED to be quiet, broke to ride, gentle, etc. etc. etc. We'll see.

Here's the deal, though, they called him "horse" before and I intend to come up with a proper name for him (if he gets to stick around), so if you have any suggestions, comment... Nothing like Bob or Spot or Blackie, though. Something really cool, maybe a foreign word that means something like SUPER GENTLE (he he he...)!

Local Pregnant Woman Murdered by Husband...

Last night, while watching the local news, I heard this story:

Police arrest a suspect in a stabbing that left one woman dead.
Richard Allred, 51, was arrested after he was released from the hospital Tuesday.
Allred is charged with 2nd degree murder and armed criminal action.
Those charges stem from a stabbing that happened last Friday at the couple's home on South Paula in Springfield.
Police found 33-year-old Jamie Allred stabbed to death. Her husband Richard also had a stab wound.
He remained in the hospital under police guard until being released today.
Autopsy results showed that Jamie did die from stab wounds to her neck and chest.
Richard Allred is held at the Greene County Jail on $500,000 bond.

While this story is quite alarming enough, what this brief blurb does not say is that Jamie was pregant with Richard's child. The news went on to say (and this is where I about fell out of my chair) that Homicide is the 2nd leading cause of death among pregnant women in this country! WHAT? I never once, while I was pregnant with my son, considered that I might have to worry about his father (or anyone else, for that matter) killing me. Those statistics are shocking, to say the least. A local policeman was quoted as saying that sometimes husbands and boyfriends just cannot deal with the stress of knowing that they have a baby on the way and that they eventually just snap and attack the woman who is pregnant with their child... huh? Go have a beer with the boys. Take a jog. Hey, if you have to, just tell her that you can't handle it and you don't want to be a part of their lives. YOU DON'T PICK UP A WEAPON AND KILL SOMEONE OVER IT!

I am completely dumbfounded by this. Not to mention that if you notice in the above news story, Richard Allred is charged with 2nd degree murder and armed criminal action. REALLY? You get pissed off and stab your pregnant wife to death and THOSE are the charges? I realize that, in this case, they are saying that he had not planned ahead and so that is where the 2nd degree charge comes in, but there was also a documented history of domestic violence in that home. For God's sake, under what circumstances are you fighting with your spouse and decide that it is okay to pick up a knife and stab them TO DEATH? I also notice that it does not mention in his charges that he is charged with the death of his unborn child. I am hoping to see these charges changed dramatically before he goes to trial. What a monster.

Morning Wood

Yeah, it's exactly like it sounds. Behold the conversation my 12-year-old son decided to have with me a few nights ago at his bedtime:

"MOM," he SCREAMED across the house, "I CAN'T FIND ANY SHORTS!"

"Son, you are wearing shorts." (They were boxer-briefs, which are like shorts, ya know. The new underwear that go halfway down the thigh).

"NUH-UH! THESE ARE MY UNDERWEAR!"

"Well, what's the difference? You are going to bed. What's the difference if you sleep in those or in gym shorts?"

This is where he comes into the living room, sits down across the room from me, sighs like he is having to be very patient with his mother (who, apparently just does not get it) and then he drops this bomb:

"Well, mom, this is probably going to scar you for life, but I'm going to tell you anyway. I'm 12 now and every morning I wake up with wood. If I wear gym shorts, no one will be able to tell, but if I just wear my underwear, it's really obvious, okay?"

My response was said with such speed it would have put any of those car commercial disclaimer-reader-guys to shame:
"No problem son, I'll make sure and wash all of your gym shorts tonight and keep some clean for you so that you have plenty of them to sleep in, now you better get your teeth brushed and get in bed, it's getting late..."

I'm still debating whether or not I'm scarred for life.