So, I'm sitting in my office, quietly reading and generally enjoying my day when a co-worker of mine trots in and (without invitation) makes herself comfortable in one of my poufy chairs. I say to myself, "Ah, no biggy, she'll have to return to her office before long." It soon became quite clear that I was sadly and sorely mistaken.
I stifled yawns during the story of her newly born baby fish. She and her husband are perfectly capable of raising them WITHOUT everyone elses advice because her husband has had fish before (if only owning something DID make you an expert...).
I thought seriously about just yelling at her to shut the feck up when she started in about her 3 year old son who is still not potty trained and his father who won't help with the potty training. Since she and I will probably continue to work here together, I had to rule that out.
I began having thoughts of suicide when she rattled on about her brother who she has decided is gay (and so what if he is, good for him, I thought) and who still lives at home, buying his mother make-up from QVC. Really. I thought to myself that just maybe, if I jumped out the window, I could get away. A picture entered my -so bored I could absolutely fall over dead from it head-in which I stealthily jumped through said window, landing on the second-story deck and then grabbed the deck railing to gracefully glide over the side and land lightly on the fresh green grass below where I would run screaming to my vehicle and speed away... I lost track of what she was talking about and in the same instance realized it didn't matter because it's all the same.
Whine Whine blah...whine blah blah.. whine bitch blah... blah blah whine... Really, does she not have anything to do in her office??
My dear old dad has a saying that goes, "If you stop broadcasting and start tuning in, you just might learn something." Well, let me tell you, this particular girl is in no immediate danger of education.
6 comments:
Good stuff! I love it. You'll have to point this person out to me when go to your office tomorrow. You could say something innocuous like: oh, and meet so-and-so, she has fish, you have a fish tank so you guys have something in common! no wait, your tank has a turtle in so nevermind. Oh, come meet this guy over here!
ahahaha this was utterly funny you gave me a great laugh for they day That chick sounds mental i have an idea though! get some liquid nitrogen put whipped cream can in it then once its frozen get a box cutter and cut the can bit off set the frozen whipped cream in her car and by the time she gets back she has a car where she can't even see through her windows because of the amazing whipped cream trick you pulled on her that'll teach her not to tell you about her boring life! it also adds a little extra something when you take something valuable and leave a randsom note under her windshield wipers!
Love your blog. Bloody brilliant!
I've dropped out of the rat race but remember well the office blah! There must be at least one in every office! I'm sure I've worked with her!
WHA HA HA HA!
:)
I must say that the amount of thought Becky has given this is a bit alarming...may prove useful, though.
This sounds exactly like a girl I work with. The similiarities are amazing. My co-worker looks like one of those blue-haired trolls from the 80's. She will spontaneously burst into song using her tone-deaf, flat and way off pitch voice that would wilt lettuce. It is usually some classic rock song that she repeats one phrase ALL day! Between verses she will let out an earth shaking belch that would make a trucker proud.
After reading your blog entries, I would have to agree with azzitizz, you are "Bloody Brillant"
Flattery will get you all everywhere. My gods, "opinion," your co-worker could well be my co-workers TWIN!!!
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